7/14/08 -- Seriously, he should... right?? Come on, texting!?! Brett Favre texted the Green Bay Packers G.M. just to tell him he has an "itch" to get in the game?!? First of all, he should've texted WebMD for that. And second of all, if he REALLY wanted to get the eyeballs necessary to generate some grass roots excitement for his return, Dude should fire up his own Facebook page! I mean, really... texting? Unless Brett's dashing off texts using some bitchin' new iPhone apps, he's really not taking full advantage of the web.
Or, he could whip up a MySpace page. And I mean a real one, that he operates while hauling around on his John Deere down in Kiln, Mississippi. But if he REALLY wanted to generate some heat, Brett could whip up some User-Generated-Material -- his own viral video! I can just picture it now... Brett talking to the camera about what it's like to be just one of the fellas, putting Mentos into Diet Coke bottles... then end with him throwing a long bomb, underhanded, to his receiver -- a hot, busty babe! And he's such a good passer, she catches the football, in slo-mo, right between her big, bouncy... numbers. Yeah... put that up on YouTube, THAT'LL get Brett some eyeballs. And maybe even off the Packer bench.
Happy Monday:)
7/9/08 -- Okay, Gang, I have a BOOKIE MOM Exclusive -- Brett Favre's text messages to Green Bay Packer GM, Ted Thompson. Now, you may ask, "Hey, Bookie Mom, how'd you get ahold of those text messages?" And I won't answer that. All I can say keeping tabs on transmissions made by Americans isn't that illegal anymore... and it helps to have an unemployed brother who spends his time betting on sports and just "hacking" around. Enjoy!
Yo, Teddy T! Just hopin' U'll take it EZ on the "MUVIN 4WRD" stuff. Lookit, I luv Aaron Rogers - AR - but c'mon, dud'ez a 'TARD! 1st time he lines up, the Left Guard's gonna wonder whoze jigglin' his 'nadz! I got an ITCH down here (down here in state of MS, not like "down there", my crank) to play me sum FUTBLL!!!
So PLEEEEEZ, B4 U put a Cheezehead cap on the Brett Favre era -- MY era -- txt me!!
CUL8R
BF
Wow! Desperate stuff! Stay tuned for more!
Happy Hump Day:)
7/2/08 -- Come on, people, get a grip and let A-Rod rip! Before you get too wrapped up in who he's spending time with, remember, he has a wife... who clearly grasps the notion that you should EXPRESS YOURSELF.
Seriously, Yankee fan, don't you remember when A-Rod first got to New York... how excited you were? It was... LIKE A PRAYER. Really, you should just CHERISH the fact you have a Hall-of-Famer in his prime!
So come on, whatever's going on in A-Rod's personal life, just hope whoever he's hanging out with can help him get on a roll, put the Yankees on his back and haul 'em into the post-season. That'll give Yankee fan near and far the glee that comes from hollering, "There goes A-Rod -- he's BURNING UP!" 'Cause if he can turn it up after the All-Star break, Yankee fan will see a RAY OF LIGHT!
Happy Hump Day:)
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6/26/08 -- It's draft day! Or, if you're a lottery pick, CHRISTMAS! The winners-
#1 - Reggie Rose, older brother and de fact "guardian" of Derrick, Reggie will see his little brother get picked #1 to represent his hometown Chicago Bulls, playing just down the street from where he feels safest -- his Grandmother's house.
#2 - Fatima Smith, mother of Michael Beasley. When he (she?) picked Kansas State, Fatima moved her whole family to Manhattan, Kansas so Michael could enjoy some home cooking while dominating the college game. After tonight, she's going to plan another big family move -- to Miami!
#3 - Alisha Mayo, of West Virginia. After running interference during the whole "illegal agent contact" while at USC, Alisha handled the whole changing of the agents, allowing O.J. to focus on what's important -- becoming a lottery pick that can afford a cozy new mansion in the hills of West Virginia.
#4 - Deborah Leford, former world class swimmer and mother of twins, one of whom is Brook Lopez. After guiding her son to the gorgeous Stanford campus and stellar college career, Brook will be able to repay his mom by building her a world class swimming pool, with a Seattle Supersonics logo painted on the bottom.
#5 - Denise Gordon. She's the one who told Indiana coach Tom Crean her stud guard son was not returning to the Hoosiers so he could "take the next step..." to the NBA, and to the paycheck that will afford them the chance to build their own Graceland... in Memphis.
Happy Draft Day:)
6/24/08 -- Well, we all knew Kobe wanted to win an NBA Championship so bad, he could taste it... we just didn't know the reason was because if he DIDN'T win, he'd have to taste something else.
Seriously, why do these two grown men, multi-millionaire basketball players, act like such little, fighting siblings? Well, since that's what they're going to act like, I'm going to explain how they should be treated.
CHILDREN DON'T NEED TO BE TREATED EQUALLY, THEY NEED TO BE TREATED UNIQUELY. So, instead of giving them EQUAL amounts -- Championship rings, MVP awards, mistresses -- give according to need; Kobe needs another Championship ring, Shaq needs a new wife.
Also, instead of showing them EQUAL love -- "I have a Fathead of BOTH Kobe and Shaq" -- show them they are loved uniquely -- "I love Kobe's outside jump shot and ability to jump over a speeding car" and "I loved Kazaam!"
Finally, instead of giving EQUAL time, give your time according to need -- "I watched Kobe all the way through Game 6... and I watched Shaq rap on TMZ.com."
There... now, doesn't that feel better?
Happy Tuesday:)
6/23/08 -- Football and baseball -- two of my favorite sports, to watch AND take action on. George Carlin made me laugh as a kid, plus he taught me a few words that would come in handy when I grew up to be a Bookie. We'll miss him...
Sad Monday:(
6/19/08 -- Ouch! Looks like Tiger's daddy's mentoring ("suck it up!", "champions play through pain!") will get the U.S. Open champ some down time, much to the frowny faces of the P.G.A. and the Golf Channel. Quick Christmas gift idea for the golfing guy in your life -- what's sure to be the hottest next trendy Golf Gizmo for wannabe duffers around the world -- the Nike sponsored Power-Generating Bionic Knee. Yeah... imagine clunking around the 19th Hole wearing THAT!
But the saddest news might be the impact Tiger's knee will have on the Golf Channel. Tiger, arguably their biggest star, is taking a break. And when your "star" won't come out of their trailer (due to knee injuries, contract squabbles or a cocaine-fueled foam party bender) usually the "show" suffers. Case in point --
CHARLIE'S ANGELS. Quick, who are the three Angels? Heck, name one! That's right, Farrah. Well, she was only on it for a season and a half! She hit the movie road (Logan's Run, anyone?), leaving the equally pleasant Cheryl Ladd to take her place... but no matter, even though the show went on, Charlies Angels relevance (... did I just really type that??) evaporated.
Anyway, think good thoughts for the Golf Channel that they might make it through. Heck, maybe Rocco can be their Cheryl Ladd... cute, new... nah... let's just hope the microsurgery takes.
Happy Thursday:)
6/12/08 -- So, is Tim Donaghy talking to save his own butt? Of course he is! Look, lil' Timmy (and I'm just guessing he's sportin' quite the Napoleon complex -- short, intense, surrounded by studs making millions more than him) has all the reason in the world to keep his sentence as short as possible -- he can't call "foul" in prison! Nope, if some hulking 7-footer wants to show lil' Timmy what "back door alley oop" means in prison, I'm pretty sure he won't be blowin' a whistle!
A lot of folks (Hello, David Stern!) chalk lil' Timmy's talk up to just a felon lying. But didn't everyone think Jose Canseco was talking junk about steroids -- and then he was right?! Seriously, how many people "give it up", have a crisis of conscious, if they think they'll get away with it? How many baseball players NOT named in the Mitchell Report have called a press conference and told the world, "Yeah... I did it. I took the cream. But now I'm clean. And even though I'll never hit more than .220, and probably end up changing oil at Jiffy Lube, I feel a whole lot better about myself"? Uh... even my almost 5 year-old, Katie, can do THAT math -- Zero!
Look, there's probably a few kernels of truth in what lil' Timmy claims... unless you're in Sacramento, and then it's a full blown bag of Jiffy-Pop!
Happy Hump Day:)
6/7/08 -- Oh, Lordy, how I wish Charles Barkley was right when he said our kids shouldn't look to professional athelets as role models. Today, my almost-5 year-old Katie played T-ball. And hey, what 5 year-old can cleanly field a grounder up the middle? Of course, in T-ball they're all slow rollers, right? Well, Katie got a slow roller that missed her glove and slowly rolled into her shin. And you'd have thunk her leg was cut off below the knee, the way she wailed and woed! And THAT'S when I realized -- she looked and sounded just like Paul Pierce being carted off the court the other night!
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But the capper? When it was her team's turn to bat, Katie was supposed to bat last, you know, hit the "home run"? Well, do you think that "catastrophic knee injury" was going to keep her from basking in a round tripper of glory? Nuh-unh! Katie whine as she gimped to the plate, dragging her aluminum twig behind her. And what happened next? DING! She cranked it off the T, sending it somewhere between Short and Nose-Picker, and just started running! Hands held high, smiling at the crowd, round third before barking out her order from the Snack Stand, until jumping on home plate with both feet, basking in her "Willis Reed" moment.
Yep, thanks to Paul Pierce, it looks like no injury is too "catastrophic" that can't be cured by a shot of glory!
Happy Saturday:)
N.F.L. and Pacman... getting back together?
6/3/08 -- Ugggh! Is this like the worst soap opera or what!? Let's just appeal to the most loved demographic and drop Pacman and Roger Goodell into THE HILLS! Pacman and the N.F.L. are like the couple who (a la ROSS and RACHEL from FRIENDS) have "taken a break"... of course, this one didn't involve feelings... rather, it involved gunshot wounds, strippers and Vegas But now, they're gonna "try it again..." for three months. So Pacman can practice with the Cowboys, prove he's "the guy they fell in love with." Oh, PLEEEEEEASE!
The only way this story gets fun and fresh is if Pacman Jones turns out to be the long lost love child of Cowboys owner, Jerry Jones. And since Jerry Jones has the cash and power to quash that story when it emerges, let's just hope the N.F.L. recognizes its opportunity for a "sweeps week" moment and says, point blank, "Pacman can play one play, a punt return. And if he returns it for a touchdown, he's in. If he doesn't.... he.... is.... OUT!"
Happy Tuesday:)
6/2/08 -- That's right, let it ride! Our government is giving us the chance to get our hands dirty in reviving this wheezing economy and, as Americans, it's our obligation! And what better opportunity to grease the wheels of commerce than betting on one of our more storied rivalries, Lakers/Celtics!
Seriously, instead of paying down some debt (boring!) or upgrading your water heater (yawn!!), take that $800 or $1,200 -- heck, and even each $300 per kid, they owe you! -- and put it on the Lakers! Or Celtics!! I don't care, just LET IT RIDE!!! And not just on winners (though Game 1, you've got Celtics at -4.5... you know, if you're interested) -- you can bet on fun stuff! Like "Will Pau Gasol average more points per game than Kareem did back in the day?" That's so FUN!
So in these random times, when people talk about recession, stagflation and divine intervention, just take some time out for yourself. Because you deserve to have a little fun. And you should bet on it!
Happy Monday:)
5/28/08 -- THAT'S what I had to camp next to this weekend! Seriously, they were loud, boorish, dirty -- and that's just the kids! (It seems they call their KIDS "midgets" -- where's Family Services when you need 'em? Oh, that's right, "budget cuts" -- all the Child Protection money went into that Space Missile Defense System. Take THAT Martian Invaders!)
They were SO loud, especially late at night, when they did untoward things to a Zebra that looked straight out of a Nature Show or a pervy Tijuana Stage show. Fortunately, my family and I were able to get some shut-eye the last night when the Ranger "forgot" to drop off their firewood. Yeah, he "forgot" 'cause I tipped him $20 and fake-listened to his story about settling his overtime dispute with his boss by leg-wrestling pants-less. (Ew!)
Well, we had a blast anyway! And after taking yesterday off to recover, I woke up in time to watch Brent Barry NOT get the call, thereby preventing San Antonio (+4) from covering against the Lakers. Yep, looks like the conspiracy to insure a Lakers - Celtics Final is in full bloom. Whoo-Hoo!
Happy Hump Day:)
5/23/08 -- Heya, Gang! I'm goin' dark this weekend, taking the kids camping. Lucky me, we've got a spot between the beach and the Park Rangers (or, as I like to call them, Baby Sitters). So everyone out there, enjoy the N.B.A. playoffs, read about the N.H.L. playoffs (except for the 14 of you in America who actually GETS the Versus channel) and have fun.
Remember the folks Memorial Day honors - the Service, Police, Firemen, Lifeguards -- they're out there taking care of us so we can enjoy our freedom... to bet!
Happy Holiday:)
P.S. And if you're missing me something fierce, check out my column at eTrueSports... havin' a littel fun at the N.B.A.'s expense!
5/20/08 -- Okay, okay, I guess Tyson Chandler's little girl ain't all that! 'Cause she did NOT prepare daddy for the lesson Tim Duncan laid on him -- it's not nice to take a surefire Hall of Famer to a Game 7. So I guess we're on for a legitimate showdown of Western Conference powerhouses... yawn, yawn, yawn... wake me up when it's game 7.
Happy Tuesday:)
5/19/08 -- In tonight’s 100th Game 7 in the NBA, everybody’s looking for an edge. So while folks remember the Alamo, er, the Spurs recent glut of titles, their experience, their Hall-of-Fame center… and while others get fired up by the Sea of Gold sure to engulf the New Orleans Hornets tonight in their home barn… Tony Parker and his scoring pizz-azz, Chris Paul and his seam-picking prowess, Big (Cheap?) Shot Rob and his flair for the flurry, David West and his much-mused-over back attack… while everyone ponders these wonderments, and others, the game will be decided by –
Tyson Chandler! During the three day layoff, Chandler had to chase after his two year-old daughter. 6-11 NBA center vs. 2 year-old little girl. He didn't stand a chance. No refs, no time-outs... need a breather? Good luck getting that little girl to agree, 'specially when she wants Elmo on the TV RIGHT NOW! And get her a juice box to go with it, got it? Good!
Oh, you wanna try some trash-talkin'? Kind of hard when she CAN'T EVEN TALK! Sure, a "Dad" here, a "Chris Paul" there, and you can even try a few "'yo mamma's", but there's no way to beat a 2 year-olds "Mine!" and "Waaaaaaahhhhh!!!!" Yep, game over.
So Tyson Chandler is game ready, out of the playroom and onto the court. But when it comes down to a game-clinching rebound, and securing a chance to meet the Lakers in the Western Conference Finals, Tyson will do well by remembering the lesson his baby girl taught him -- "MIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!"
Happy Monday:)
5/17/08 -- Former referee Tim Donaghy allegedly cost the NBA $304,858.00 due to his biased officiating -- biased 'cause he had money on them! Okay, my job as a bookie is to set the line, using my knowledge of sports, numbers and other intangibles. But a "fixed ref" intangible? Now I'M ticked! I'm gonna have to look into a civil suit and see if Donaghy's games upset my book. Little Putz.
Hm. I wonder... did he ever ref any of Sir Charles' games? Maybe during free throws they'd chat about lines, over/unders, prop bets... 'cause I'm sure no other players or refs dabble in the gamble.... ;)
Bah! I'm gonna turn on the Preakness... the only sport on today that still allows an entertaining amount of steroids to their competitors.
Happy Saturday:)
5/15/08 -- Collecting ain't always easy. It's one of the least fun parts of the biz. Fortunately for the Wynn Hotels, they have the Nevada State Prosecutor as muscle. Me? I've got to rely on myself. F'rinstance --
My local pediatric dentist was into me for $3,500 (the Giants? Won the Super Bowl?? That's STILL killin' people.) Then when I went to collect, Dr. Welch Dentist tells me it'll be a couple of weeks. Well, after some snooping, I find out Dr. Welch Dentist owes money all around town. And how does Dr. Welch Dentist plan on covering? Bogus cavities for kids. Everytime a kid walks in for a check-up, they walk out with three new fillings and Mom and Dad are a grand lighter. And how do I know? I take my kids' X-rays, plus some Mommy and Me friends lend me their kids' X-rays and I take them to anothe dentist. Result? Bogus cavities.
So Bookie Mom pays a visit to Dr. Welch Dentist, X-rays in one hand, a cell phone in the other, pre-dialed to the authorities. (Who's gonna get in more trouble - a loving stay-at-home mom who's being called a bookie or a kiddie dentist filling fake cavities?) How does this story end? Free check-ups for life and the Wii that was supposed to be in Dr. Welch Dentist's waiting room. (Hopefully the next person who owes has an unopened "Guitar Hero"!)
Happy Thursday:)
5/14/08 -- Okay, gang, to all of you out there who thinks this thing is just overblown, that the Patriots didn't really cheat, I've got a TEST for you. Run all these excuses and stuff by the wife. Example:
Next time you stumble through the front door smelling of Crown Royale and Lady Stetson, only to find your wife waiting up wearing a house coat and a scowl, look her weavy-straight in the eye and tell her "Hon, I misinterpreted the rules..." Yeah, drop me an e-mail from the couch, let me know how that worked for you.
Or how 'bout when your secret "in case of emergency" credit card falls out of your pocket, right in front of your better half. Try Tom Brady's "Let's just all move on..." line, and watch how fast she moves on, WITH your card, out the door and straight to Nordstrom's. Yep, she's gonna move on, all right... in a pair of $400 Steve Madden strappy Gladiator shoes, purchased with YOUR "in case of emergency" card.
And maybe bust out owner Robert Kraft's gem of an excuse when your wife finds "Internet Vixxxens" on your iPhone -- "I had no knowledge that this was going on."
Yeah... maybe it's NOT cheating... But it sure does stink!
Happy Hump Day:)
5/11/08 -- Yep, that's right! To all my regulars out there, if your wife wants a little Mothers' Day Action, or maybe your Mom wants to lay down some action for old time's sake, have 'em give me a shout. 'Cause today, all bets placed by Mom won't get stuck with the Vig! They can take that 10 percent buy some shoes, maybe work in a little spa day... or maybe SPOIL themselves by rolling it all on the Lakers to cover (+4.5) over Utah.
Come on, we all know Kobe knows how to treat the Moms. Remember the rock he stuck on the finger of the mother of his children? Sure, it didn't happen on Mothers' Day (it happened around "Kobe beats the charges in Colorado" day). But he sure did a solid for Moms with that move... and I'm thinkin' he'll do a solid for Moms again today!
Happy Mothers' Day:)
5/7/08 -- I'd like to thankthe Celtics and Cavaliers for putting my kids (and me, for that matter) to sleep last night! Damn, who needs "Goodnight, Moon" when LeBron's going 2 for 18, Paul Pierce 2 for 14 and Ray Allen treats us to a Gigantic Goose Egg?!? If KG weren't putting up some numbers, I'd have sworn we were watching "The D League". Yawn-Yawn-Snooze! After the chippiness of the Cleveland/Washington series, I was hoping for some fireworks -- instead we got "Zzzzzzzzzz.....s". Oh well, the good news is I know when Game 2 rolls around, I won't have to read to my kids. They'll be night-night by half-time.
Oh, and a quick COMMENT ON WORLD NEWS -- if the crazy cost of gasoline is altering your life, become a Milwaukee Brewer fan... 'cause with that Gas Can Eric Gagne ending games, you can probably linger around the field post-blown save and get you some -- Gas, that is!
Happy Hump Day:)
5/6/08 -- Hiya, Sports Fans. Sorry I've been gone, but my 4 year-old Stacy brought me home a present from Pre-School Friday -- stomach flu! Yep, I know what you're thinking - "tasty".
So while laid up trying not to laugh as my husband cared for the girls, I got to lock in for Cardinals - Cubs rubber match on Sunday Night Baseball. And what stood out? A cranky grump of Joe Morgan belittling the Japanese baseball players for even THINKING they're as good as our Major Leaguers. And just as his rant on the Yellow Menace that is Japanese baseball (or, compared to U.S., triple-A) ended, Peter Gammons told the story of former Cardinal G.M. Walt Jocketty recently ending up as G.M. in Cincinnati. A topical story, a behind-the-scenes nugget Peter's known for... until he turned the phrase "...exiled to Cincinnati."
Whew! I thought Joe Morgan was gonna bust out his old back arm flap and take it upside Peter's head! Joe took the stance of a former Big Red Machine-er and explaind Cincinnati is a fine place, not a destination for exile. Peter professionally demurred and let Joe have his former city's back. Cincinnati is a fine place for baseball... just ask Junior.
Happy Tuesday:)
5/2/08 -- Okay, folks, tomorrow is the horse race EVERYONE pays attention to... not just those of us hoping to make a dime:) But this city is more than just a once-a-year stop on the sports scene -- they have families, schools... and a problem keeping their young'uns home. See, some of the clueless kids want to head West... or South... or anywhere else that just sucks the life out of puny dreamers destined to be disappointed... Well, after checking out a couple of those clips, I know how to get my daughters NOT to move to Louisville.
But if you do cruise through that little gem of a pond, make sure you know how to pronounce it -- LOUGHH-ville.
Happy Friday:)
4/28/08 -- Well, THIS certainly puts "betting" in an ugly light -- the captain of the minor league hockey team Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins was arrested for streaking in Scranton. So he was drunk and naked -- so what? The REAL problem is, he did it on a DUMB BET! Thanks, Nathan... way to make friendly betting look bad!
Happy Tuesday:)
4/25/08 -- Okay, I KNOW I don't have to tell you there's a draft tomorrow (no, young'uns, not THAT kind of draft -- we're stop-lossing). No, tomorrow's the N.F.L. Draft! And I can't WAIT! I can't wait to see who gets Chris Long's hyper-charged "motor" I keep hearing about (Bionic heart? Hm.) Or who gets Glenn Dorsey's Gumbo Gut. Heck, I don't know who wants to see where these Lottery Picks go more, the fans or the Denali Dealers.
But the bummer about the draft is, it peter's out... with some 12th round long snapper from Idaho who finds out when his Ma brands the family messenger bull with the news "you've been drafted." So I suggest we end the Draft with a bang --
Steel Cage Death Match! Mel Kiper Jr. vs. Todd McShay! Old school vs. Nu Skool! They can beat on each other with 40 times and Dragon kicks, Wonderlic tests and the Triton Eye Gouge. It would be HUGE! Seriously, at the end of the draft, what would you rather watch, Octagon Death Match...? Or Bowling?
Happy Friday:)
4/24/08 -- Oh, sure, Chris Paul is the darling of the N.B.A. Playoffs so far... but THIS Mom loves the gawky, storky, foreign-exchange kid missing an "L" from his name? Yep, Pau Gasol! He escapes the backwater of mediocrity and sinking career in Memphis only to land in La-La Land for a chance to resurrect his career! And while it was a steal of a deal that brought him to the Lakers, to reclaim his All-Star status, even achieve Rock Star Status by coming to Hollywood... well, it's not unprecedented! What's the precedent, you ask? I have one word --
While languishing in Army green and bad Technicolor movies, Elvis' career was tanking! Then in 1968 he hits Hollywood, decks out in fashion-forward Black Leather, reveals himself (preceding the media approved "reveal yourself" career resurrecting move by twenty years) and BOOM -- he's the King!
So sure, it's early in the Playoffs. But if he can help bring Los Angeles a title (and stay away from toilets while on a Big Pharma approved bender), Pau Gasol could very well become -- King Pau!
Happy Thursday:)
4/18/08 -- Do NOT be surprised if N.B.A. Commissioner outdoes himself this year. Last year he only tinkered with the playoffs by giving the Suns' Amarie Stoudamaire some rest time for "leaving the bench". (Yawn!)
THIS year at a Playoffs press conference you just KNOW Stern is going to bust out the Time Machine he's been working on. He'll whip back the curtain of his Time Machine and through the requisite smoke ('cause any believable Time Machine HAS to have smoke, right?) will step Magic Johnson, circa 1988 - full head of hair, 50 pounds lighter and a Lothario's smile. And right next to him, with bushy blond hair, a peach-fuzzed upper lip and French Lick accent, is Larry Bird! Purple and Gold 32 next to Celtic Green 33, their short shorts unable to conceal their swagger! "We got next", indeed!
Man... this is gonna be GREAT!
Happy Friday:)
4/17/08 -- Bad news out of Major League Baseball -- and Steroids is the culprit! Look, you know I don't really have a big problem with Steroids... if a macho pro athlete has no problem growing breasts or shrinking his package, neither do I. But now... I'm a little FREAKED OUT! Because it looks like Steroids have a NEW, nasty side effect --
It makes you GROW OLDER FASTER! A big thanks to Miguel Tejada, the formerly 31 year-old, now 33 year-old Astro Shortstop who came clean to spread the word. Look, we all may have our bad days... but I'm not itching to knock two to three years off my life.
And think about the kids? The last thing you need is your sweet little teeny-bopper 'roiding up just so he can buy a twelver of Old Style - Legally! Plus, the quicker they get older, the quicker they'll get drafted (... it's coming).
So please, spread the word... STEROIDS CAN KILL YOU... of Old Age!
Happy Thursday:)
4/15/08 -- Seriously, he didn't win the Masters?? Oh, and Happy Tax Day!
4/12/08 -- Yeah, sure it's nice to cheer on the new blood, but to keep the money flowing Tiger needs to step it up. 'Cause it's kinda hard to win the GRAND SLAM when you don't win the MASTERS!
Happy Saturday Night:)
4/10/08 -- You mean... God?? No -- Albert!
Not sure what Brandon Backe was doing last year when he was on the D.L. - Sudoko? 'Cause it's really not a good idea to get on the bad side of someone who did THIS to you:
You know, I told my 4 year-old Stacy during T-Ball if she didn't touch home plate, she isn't coming home! Good Listener that she is, she jammed home plate and spiked the Coach for the other team in the process. So take a lesson from Albert and Stacy -- if you're at home plate, you're Fair Game!
Hockey Play-Offs are under way!!!
Happy Thursday:)
4/8/08 -- Ouch! Glad I wasn't sitting courtside or one of Chris Douglas-Roberts' free throws might have clanked off and hit me in the eye. Sometimes, as a parent, you need ammunition to convince your kid to do something they don't want to do. Eat vegetables, poop in the toilet... practice your free throws! Well, thanks to Memphis losing the title because of weak free throw shooting, I can remind my babies... "Sure, you don't have to practice free throws... or poop in the toilet.. if you want to be a LOSER!"
Happy Tuesday:)
4/5/08 -- A big CONGRATS to the Final Four schools this year! What a great pool of talent. And it doesn't hurt to say the action on tonight's games is oustanding! With all the money flowing my way, there's a good chance my 4 year-old Stacy is gonna get her Pony after all!
But compared to the loot the Coaches are going to make this weekend, my money is just a knick of lint on the shoulder of Roy Williams' $2,000 "Tar Heel" blue sport jacket he's gonna wear tonight. Each coach is gonna earn at least an extra hundred grand just for coaching tonight! Not to mention the dough flowing to the schools, the millions gobbled up by CBS and the treasure reaped by the N.C.A.A. Fat Cats. Yep, good basketball and REAL good money all around.
Oh, and the Student Athletes...? The guys out there hustling, diving into the stands, taking charges and eating elbows...? Maybe they'll get to call home.
Happy Saturday:)
4/1/08 -- Bookie Mom REJECTS offers from ESPN, Fox Sports and the Milwaukee Brewers. Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act (something necessary if you ever want a straight answer from the World Wide Leader...) I can reveal ESPN offered me a job as contributing editor. They wanted to pair me up with Buster Olney, hoping a little bit of personality might rub off on him, 'cause info ain't much without a little "sizzle!"
And Fox Sports was so desperate to replace Jeannie "The Snoozer" Zelasko, they had Joe Buck try and bribe me with a date with my favorite childhood player - St. Louis Cardinal catcher Ted Simmons! Sadly, I couldn't get the date if I didn't take the job... which was a total bummer 'cause I lined up my husband to watch the kids.
And finally, I politely turned down the Milwaukee Brewers offer to replace their torched $10 million closer Eric Gagne... a tough offer to turn down since the abovie mentioned Ted Simmons is now the Brewers bench coach! (MAN, he's still hot!)
Any-who, THIS Bookie Mom likes her life just the way it is... lots of sports, lots of family time... and lots and lots of "vig"!
Happy Tuesday:)
Opening Day! Yea...! Oh, and Davidson Tanks.
4-1-08 -- Looks like YOU TUBE doesn't WANT you to see what Bookie Mom has to say!
TIME OUT!
Bookie Mom gives a big TIME OUT to the Eagle Trace Golf Course in Broomfield, Colorado. It seems they scheduled a tourney for 7-12 year olds about the same time as Shotgun Willie's Charity Golf event. Did you ever wonder what it'd be like to have a stripper as a caddy? Well, the kids found out.
BOOOOOOO!!!
BOOKIE MOM'S DISH!
